Nobody tells the truth like kids and old people.
A few years ago I was taking care of a devil kid and put him in time out, when I turned my back to walk away he said “You look like a big blueberry” which would have meant nothing if I wasn’t dancing around the high 200’s and wearing a blue shirt.
He was calling me fat.
He was 4, but he knew what he was doing.
Steve took me out to breakfast last weekend and as we were unlocking the door to our building someone pulled up in front of the house.
I know about nine other people in the whole state, so I didn’t even turn around.
Steve turns around “Oh hey! How ya doin’?”
I turn to see who he’s talking to and don’t recognize the car, or the person.
“Hey, where’d all your weight go?”
I look at Steve and the guy in the car says “It’s okay if you don’t recognize me, I only recognize you because you’re with him!”
Steve laughs and I’m still not sure who this is.
“Really? It’s Silver Fox”
Silver Fox is an old(er) guy who used to live across the street from us and his name is actually Mike. He used to talk to almost everyone and know all the neighborhood happenings, he also dressed in shorts and polos; I always joked about him being a ladies man.
Anyway, we walk over to his car and he tells us where he’s living and what he’s been up to, asks about us. He keeps circling back to me, ‘you look different’ and ‘my brother said you dropped a ton of weight’.
Finally he says “So really, come on how’d you lose SO much weight? I mean you had to have lost a lot”
“What are you trying to say man?” I say, laughing.
“Well…” He looks around “Uh…Yea, you were big”
Steve and I laugh.
“You’re not wrong” I say.
“Really, I mean …” arms stretching out a bit “You were, heh, you were fuckin’ big”